Bloodlust Zombies Movie Review
Written by TGM
DVD released by Vicious Circle Films
Written and directed by Dan Lantz
2011, 80 minutes, Not Rated
DVD released on July 5th, 2011
Alexis Texas as Andrea
Janice Marie as Judy
Adam Danoff Darren
Robert Heath as Bobby Lee
Sarah Dewey as Sandra
Robb Stech as Lab Tech
YAY! A low budget, direct-to-video horror/comedy zombie flick starring a dead-behind-the-eyes porn star! How could this be anything but amazing?
Before we begin, I’ve never quite understood the thought process behind trying to shoehorn an adult actress into a horror movie. Porn enthusiasts won’t be happy with the tame simulated soft-core pseudo sex, and horror enthusiasts won’t be happy with the wooden (no pun intended) acting performance. Are porn stars really that big a draw to get people interested in mainstream movies that fail to showcase them in explicit compromising positions? Well, not this time.
Bloodlust Zombies tells the tale of a biotech company in the midst of celebrating their ISO 9000 certification, uh, rather the creation of a chemical compound that will turn an enemy army into a band of rabid, mindless zombies hell-bent on tearing each other apart. This is the brain-child of one of the CEO’s who lost her husband during “the war”. She is convinced that the best way to save American soldiers lives is to keep them out of harms way and let the enemy kill themselves. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?
During the self-congratulatory party, two moronic researchers drop a test tube thought to be filled with the deadly compound. In their haste to clean up the mess and get back to the party they fail to notice that one of the vicious felines — an initial test subject for the deadly agent — escapes its high-tech containment chamber. Oh, wait, that last sentence actually makes this movie sound cool, let me rephrase… a domestic house cat covered in red food coloring leisurely steps out of what appears to be a Walmart terrarium whose lid was left slightly askew.
The cat then infects someone, who then infects someone, who then infects someone ad nauseum until only a handful of survivors are left. This includes a ditzy blonde secretary played by pornstar cum master thespian Alexis Texas, showcasing the emotional range of a cinder block, a few bumbling security guards, the aforementioned MILFy CEO, a schmaltzy salesman who ultimately gets bitten because he’s simply too mesmerized by the boobs of a naked zombie chick lumbering towards him, and finally a foul-mouthed, chubby temp with a bad case of sinusitis who might very well be the most annoying character ever portrayed in the annals of cinematic history.
Despite its short run-time, the movie still manages to plod along from one painfully hammy conversation to another as the survivors scurry about from room to room trying to dodge their tediously slow-moving infected coworkers. Even though this biotech company is mucking around with deadly organisms that could wipe out the face of the Earth in the blink of an eye, their research building looks about as high-tech as the set of Office Space. So much so, I was eagerly anticipating the arrival of zombie Milton looking for his red Swingline stapler and braaaaaains. Evidently someone in the crew must have been allergic to latex, because there’s not a prosthetic zombie appliance to be found, but thank goodness there is an overabundance of gaudy Ziggy Stardust-esque glam-zombies in tacky yellow makeup thanks to somebody’s apparent side-job as an Avon lady.
Save for a few marginally humorous throwaway lines of dialogue, one admittedly cool action shot of a zombie being beheaded, and a competent acting performance from Janice Marie as the CEO, there is nothing redeeming at all about Bloodlust Zombies and it should be avoided like a domestic house cat covered in red food coloring stored in a Walmart terrarium.
Video, Audio and Special features:
Video, audio and special features will not be graded as this was a screener.
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