2017 01 16 It Watches

It Watches Movie Review

Written by John Colianni

Released by Uncork’d Entertainment

It Watches Poster 

Directed by Dave  Parker
Written by Ivan Djurovic and Dave Parker
2016, 86 minutes, Not Rated
DVD released on December 6th, 2016

Starring:
Ivan Djurovic as Andra
Rick Irwin as Robert
Sanny van Heteren as Rachel
James Duval as Guy

It Watches 01 It Watches 02 

Review:

I feel like I lived a pretty good life in 2016. It was the first full year in my new house. I got a decent raise. I also married the most amazing woman in the world. Watching and reviewing horror films is truly one of my core passions. I sit down with every film I have to review because I have a direct say in what I spend my time with. If a trailer looks good or if an independent feature has decent face value, I'm more than happy to give something I've never heard of its chance to shine among the gems I've been lucky enough to come across this past year. That's why I have to ask myself what I could have possibly done wrong this late in the game to be sitting through Dave Parker's It Watches.

It Watches tries to tell a story of Andre, who is recovering from a recent injury. He has agreed to help a friend house sit a home for him while he is busy with other things. For whatever reason, Andre brings a camera along to document him wandering from room to room in a strangers home, awkwardly talking to his grandma, who he will be apparently sending this video to. As he begins to hear things throughout the house, things may not be all that they seem. Or maybe they are. Who knows, since much of the film is incoherent and drags on and on and on.

It Watches 03 It Watches 04

It Watches lacks in every department that even a mediocre film would incorporate. The story from start to finish is a time management nightmare. As the film starts, nothing in particular is going on. There is no tension and what the story tries to deliver falls hard on its face because there is no build up to anything. Characters are also confusing. People come and go with no consequence. I cannot bring myself to care for individuals in a story if they aren't given the breathing room to grow. The dialogue feels forced and the actors in their roles feel checked out themselves. If you somehow make it to the fifty minute mark (congrats, you masochist), the “twist” that is force fed to you makes little to no sense and brings back characters that you didn't know still mattered this late in the film. The climax makes no sense and there is little to allude to how anything is supposed to end anywhere else in the movie.

It's the end of the year. You're hopefully spending time with friends and loved ones or grinding away at work, making that sweet overtime. Or maybe you're sitting alone in a dark room, staring a blank wall, pondering the meaning of life and what it's all about. Whatever you're doing, as long as it's not sitting down with It Watches, it was time well spent. There are so many low budget works that have been released this past year. This is one that will be forgotten long before its credits roll.

It Watches 05 It Watches 06

Grades:

Movie: Halfastar It Watches Cover
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About The Author
Jersey John Bio
Staff Writer
Blogger, podcaster, stand up comedian, opinionated asshole, lover of double bass, left-wing liberal and crusher of the dreams of children. When he isn't pointing and laughing at the shortcomings of your offspring, Jersey John partakes in the finer things life has to offer: bacon cheeseburgers, online gaming and watching as cannibal zombies eat your family in slow motion. On repeat. In 3D.
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