Cynthia Movie Review
Written by Gabino Iglesias
Released by Indican Pictures
Directed by Devon Downs and Kenny Gage
Written by Robert Rhine
2018, 89 minutes, Not rated
Released on September 18th, 2018
Scout Taylor-Compton as Robin
Sid Haig as Detective Edwards
Kyle Jones as Michael
Rebecca Marshall as Jane
In contemporary horror, there seem to be three types of movies that dominate the landscape: horror that follows tropes and fails to work, (mostly) indie gems that bring new stories to the screen, and arthouse horror that takes two hours to tell you that humans are the real monsters. Luckily there are also random movies that remember a time when horror could be wild, unabashedly humorous, and campy as hell. Cynthia belongs to that small group. Oh, and please note: this review contains juvenile humor and bad words. Like, a bunch of both.
The plot of Cynthia is simple and to the point: a woman obsessed with becoming a mother finally manages to become pregnant after months of treatments and injections. During a routine checkup, the doctor finds a tumor next to the fetus and performs a biopsy. The tumor turns out to be benign and they let the rest of the pregnancy run its course. During the cesarean, the doctor removes the tumor…which is really a monstrous twin. What follows is a funny, gory, crazy movie about a slithering, malformed baby killing people as it looks for its mom.
Here’s a short chronology of what happened to me while watching this movie: Movie began. I saw Sid Haig on the screen. I nodded, though, “Yeah, these folks know what’s up.” A few minutes went by. The trying-to-get-pregnant collage isn’t great, but the filmmakers establish something early on: low budget doesn’t mean it has to look like crap. Before I was done appreciating the production values of the film, a couple is having sex after the cesarean and the man tells the woman he’s gonna stay in her pussy and open up a school for special children in there (among other things). The movie kept playing. I realized that entertainment is at the center of Cynthia. People die. More people day. A woman eats something nasty. Hilarity ensues.
I could keep going, but I won’t. The point is this: sometimes movies end up being funny because they take themselves too seriously. That’s called a failure. However, sometimes movies are funny that intended to be funny. That’s called a fucking success. Cynthia belongs to the second group. They wrote a funny story, found actors that weren’t afraid of the project, and put a ton of work into a creature that is at once ugly and adorable, creepy and cute, deadly and…well, a baby. Furthermore, this is not a movie that threw away production values simply because it is a cheesy movie about a murderous baby. No, they decided the thing was going to look sharp, have great lighting and sound, and be packed with decent effects. Also, if you’re a sound connoisseur, you’ll love the monster baby, which sounds like a morbidly obese man complaining about stomach pain and he farts to death while writhing around naked on a leather sofa.
The best thing about horror is that it can be weird and serious and touching and creepy and gory and anything else we want it to be. Cynthia is obviously a movie made for those who like to have fun and laugh while watching horrible things. There is plenty of blood, but there is also snappy dialogue, a scene with the baby’s father and his new partner meeting the mutant child for the first time, and a few other touches that show that this was not carelessly made. Cynthia is a wild-ass movie, and I will take one of those any day of the week over another damn remake.