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13 HOURS IN HELL

Written by Ali Chappell and Nick Ferwerda

 

Going into Bingemans' 13 Hours in Hell, we had no idea what we were embarking on. When we saw the people in clown costumes, our immediate thought was, "What the eff did we get ourselves into?" Then the age old question popped up, "How many horror writers does it take to put up a tent?" The answer is two, and it took almost an hour. This was not a proud moment. At this point we met Jessie and Kal, who didn't even bring a tent, so we volunteered ours to share. These two became the newest members of Team HT! We went on to have dinner with our new teammates that we weren't sure if we could trust or not. The food itself was decent; BBQ chicken breasts, Caesar salad, potato salad and vegetarian lasagna. While we ate, we got the basic structure and rules of the event; mainly 'don't hit anyone'. Some of the teams that were there got pretty intense about things. One team in particular had full camo and tactical gear, including but not limited to night vision goggles, military grade walkie-talkies, thermo lenses, etc. (PS: if you are reading this… you were our rivals and we beat you! HAHA). We talked to them and as it turns out they were police officers, military trainers, etc. They used this as stealth practice which is pretty awesome.

After dinner we went back to camp to make our team flags and get psyched up with our stereotypical horror movie cast team; Jessie – The Cheerleader; Ali – The Blonde; Nick – The Nerd and Kal – The Jock. We were ready to fuck shit up…sort of.

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The setup of the night went as follows: Your mission was to complete challenges to received tokens, which you exchange for points/vaccines and then the team with the most points at the end of the night WINS! Each person was equipped with two lives attached to a belt around their waist. The evil clowns had a mission of snatching your lives from you while chasing you through the darkness. Totally safe. Needless to say, we bailed down many hills. To get tokens, you needed to complete tasks such as ass smacking a team mate… or bowling. There were three rounds and each round lasted about 1.5 to 2.5 hours. In the first round, we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. We managed to gain an extra life and three tokens, but that was it. We were close to last place. Round two, we managed to get our shit together and obtain 10 tokens. However, we also got swindled by a damn liar who stole our teddy bear and our apple (we are NEVER letting this go!). One of the challenges involved bringing a teddy bear to the bearded lady, who then asked us to decorate it. Once decorated, to complete the challenge, you had to decorate a teammate the exact same way. Ali was covered in glitter and had a heart drawn on her forehead.

Round three started at 3am. This is where we learned that if you eat 20 timbits (Canada's version of a doughnut hole) and chug an energy drink on an empty stomach, you will throw up in a bush and have to sit out. RIP Blonde. And then there were three. During round two, Kal angered some clowns in the forest and had to apologize in this round. The team managed to gain an extra 14 tokens, putting us close to first place. However, we failed. Since Kal was lame in round two, they forced him to do all the running to places, which eventually caused him to pull his groin. Serves him right. Between the two HorrorTalk writers, they only lost one life each. Nick's was to two clowns named Ball and Sack and Ali's was to a genie.

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If you are planning on attending an event like this, here are our tips:

  • Wear running shoes and bring extra socks.
  • Stay hydrated, bring a lot of water. Like a case of water.
  • Don't eat 20 timbits and chug an energy drink thinking 'this will be a good idea' because you WILL puke in a bush.
  • When the clowns ask you to dance, dance. (cough cough, Kal)
  • Bug spray is a necessity, it could be a currency.
  • Don't get swindled by clowns who want your teddy bears.
  • Bring snacks.
  • Have a minimum of three people on your team.
  • We didn't use our tent, but it was nice to have to hang out in during breaks.
  • Learn to twerk. It can save your life.

The overall experience was great. However, go into this knowing that it's not exactly 13 hours in hell. It's more like 8-9 hours with extra time for dinner and breakfast. Breakfast was disappointing, it was just muffins, danishes and a fruit bowl. All Nick wanted was a goddamn sausage.

This is something Nick and Ali are planning on doing again next year. Jessie can come too. So can Kal, if you pull your shit together.

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Grades:

Experience: 2.5 Star Rating Cover

 

 

About The Author
Ali Chappell
Reviewer - US
Ali Chappell grew up in a wholesome Canadian family that embraced her love of horror at a young age, which allowed her to become desensitized towards its violent nature. She has a several degrees, including business, a triple threat theater degree and is currently working on her third in the field of archaeology. On top of being a writer and an avid horror fan, she is also a yoga teacher, archer, tarot card reader, in the midst of planning her first heist and still enjoys the bright life of being a struggling actress. When she isn't traveling the globe, she is usually found hiding in a movie theater hating the world and everyone in it. However, she is also very optimistic and cheerful and hopes one day Joe Dante will notice her (so she can stop obsessing over him, it's getting kind of weird).
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