"No One Can Do Anything Worse To You Than You Can" Book Review
Written by Sam Pink
2012, 152 pages, Fiction
Released on March 12th, 2012
There is only one way to read a Sam Pink book: take a deep breath, tense every muscle in your body and jump in. You can expect a barrage of words that will try to beat your mind and body into submission. If you endure, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is all yours. However, the pot might be filled with something strange, so engage with Pink at your own risk. I decided to go for it with No One Can Do Anything Worse To You Than You Can, his latest release with Lazy Fascist Press. It went something like this:
Imagine you open a book and start reading the first page. You get the impression the words are coming at you aggressively. The words want something from you. Maybe they're accusing you of something. Then you realize it's because Pink is an awful human being. What you're reading comes from his head and he is confessing his deepest, darkest desires. What the sentences want is to scare you a little.
"I'd love to cut your face open with the smaller blade on a swiss army knife."
There is something wrong with this man. You blink.
"I want to be the kind of person who would only kill himself if given the chance to watch it."
You blink again.
"I'm willing to sit in a room for decades to plan revenge on someone who accidentally bumped into me on the train."
You take a deep breath. Everything is fine. Pink is simply a very talented author with a unique voice and style. Probably no blood was shed during the writing process. The book you're devouring is nothing more than that: literature. Then an accusation jumps out at you.
"You only know what to do when no one is watching."
This isn't funny any more. Somehow Pink knows you. No. It's impossible. It's getting harder to keep your cool, to believe it's all just a coincidence. You blink again and swallow.
"You want to know something? — you are a mathematical equation that begins with a bunch of meaningless signs and ends the same way but it looks like a lot has happened (and you know I mean that as a compliment)."
Your breathing turns fast and shallow. The desire to punch something becomes a burning sensation in your chest. Fiction. The confessions and accusations are just that: figments of Pink's imagination. You keep reading.
"At home, eating my own heart off a commemorative plate that has a picture of my corpse on it."
Your head should be saying "Hold on tight!" but instead it's cackling madly, full of that unfiltered joy that comes from finding the kind of book that keeps you glued to the pages regardless of what the world around you throws your way. You read words that speak of words that are not there. You hold the text which holds the meta-text:
"(Phrase-equivalent of a picture of a person lying in a carpeted hallway, head smashed apart.)"
Correction: the text holds you.
Is this horror? Poetry? A novel? The diary of a madman? It's all of those and more.
You blink again. The book is done with you, not you with it. You crave more.
Anyway, that's more or less how it happened. No One Can Do Anything Worse To You Than You Can is wildly imaginative and very entertaining. The author is simply someone who fans of literature must read and this book is just one more step in the ladder that's currently taking Lazy Fascist Press into a place within the publishing industry where there's a lot of room simply because very few have gotten there. Go buy this right now.
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